Oh no! Did I just say that? I can’t believe I just said that! But I know I said it because I heard myself. The auditory center in my brain is the expert witness. But another part of my brain, the part that hovers over the top of my head and monitors me from outside
I hope you’re not angry with me because I haven’t invited you to dinner lately. I’m aware that you have had us over a couple of times, and I have not reciprocated. The truth is, I would love to. But there is a major problem. I no longer have a dining table. You see, my
The inevitable has happened. The insidious process has reached its conclusion. The final step has been taken, and the journey is over. I can deny it no longer. I have become my mother! Despite our self-righteous cries as young girls that we will never be like her, one day we look in the mirror, and
I have become quite convinced that retirement causes a chemical reaction. Stimulated perhaps by the monthly receipt of the social security check, a bodily response occurs on the glandular level, resulting in the production of a certain pheromone. Unlike the pheromones emitted to attract a mate, the substance in question triggers a very different kind
Is there an official start date for one’s second childhood? I don’t mean the one that accompanies the onset of dotage, but a time of life when you no longer feel silly about releasing your inner pre-adolescent? I urgently need to know, because it’s already June and I’m thinking about enrolling in summer camp. I
This essay has to be quick, brief and simple. Why? Because I am at risk! Any minute now some unseen entity could be looking over my shoulder and stealing every word that I write. So I’m saving all of my really good words for another time when my security is not in jeopardy. (Did I
Has this ever happened to you? You’re in a restaurant. In your line of vision is another table with, let’s say, three couples. You unconsciously absorb the physical details of the six well-dressed people who are about to eat their appetizers. You notice the gray hair on the partially bald men, the obviously chemically-treated hair
Overheard at Saks: Shopper No. 1:“Ooh, that’s such an adorable dress.” Shopper No. 2: “So why don’t you try it on? Shopper No. 1: “Are you crazy? It’s sleeveless! As we approach the warmer weather, I am convinced that this scene will be replayed over and over again in boutiques and department stores across the
Growing older is no excuse for not keeping on top of things! No, this is not a reference to the sexual practices of septuagenarians, but to being in tune with what is happening today! Specifically, I am referring to words, vernacular, vocabulary. For instance, do you think you know what the word “cloud” refers to?
Story ripped from the headlines: “Woman Found Safe in her Vehicle After Failing To Return Home for 48 Hours. Claims She Was Just Running Errands. When interviewed, Mrs. X said she didn’t know what all the fuss was about. ‘This was just my normal schedule, except my to-do list did not go as smoothly as
