At times I feel like I’ve been transported back to the 60’s and am trapped in that old ad for Grant’s Scotch. Remember that ad? Don’t try to tell me you weren’t born yet. (Well some of you weren’t born yet, but very few.) I’m not sure how many bottles of whiskey they sold, but
Come on, admit it. We are all subject to occasional morbid thoughts, especially at that point in life when the number representing our chronological age exceeds the highway speed limit. Don’t tell me that you never think about the Grim Reaper, the Dark Angel, or any of the other euphemisms you can name to avoid
I consider myself to be a peaceable person. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 representing the highest tolerance for any situation that portends violence, I would rate myself a minus 5. I’m against the death penalty. I bring a scarf to the movies so I can pull it over my eyes if
I have a confession to make. When I take you into my confidence, I know I risk dropping several points in your estimation of me. You may no longer regard me as one of the “cool” people. (Is it still cool to be regarded as a “cool” person?) But I like to believe that the
Oh no! Did I just say that? I can’t believe I just said that! But I know I said it because I heard myself. The auditory center in my brain is the expert witness. But another part of my brain, the part that hovers over the top of my head and monitors me from outside
I hope you’re not angry with me because I haven’t invited you to dinner lately. I’m aware that you have had us over a couple of times, and I have not reciprocated. The truth is, I would love to. But there is a major problem. I no longer have a dining table. You see, my
The inevitable has happened. The insidious process has reached its conclusion. The final step has been taken, and the journey is over. I can deny it no longer. I have become my mother! Despite our self-righteous cries as young girls that we will never be like her, one day we look in the mirror, and
I have become quite convinced that retirement causes a chemical reaction. Stimulated perhaps by the monthly receipt of the social security check, a bodily response occurs on the glandular level, resulting in the production of a certain pheromone. Unlike the pheromones emitted to attract a mate, the substance in question triggers a very different kind
Is there an official start date for one’s second childhood? I don’t mean the one that accompanies the onset of dotage, but a time of life when you no longer feel silly about releasing your inner pre-adolescent? I urgently need to know, because it’s already June and I’m thinking about enrolling in summer camp. I
This essay has to be quick, brief and simple. Why? Because I am at risk! Any minute now some unseen entity could be looking over my shoulder and stealing every word that I write. So I’m saving all of my really good words for another time when my security is not in jeopardy. (Did I
