I have always believed myself to be very open-minded when it comes to sexual preferences.  I totally support all heteros, as well as the LGBTQ community, and hope that the “Questionables” figure it out one day very soon.  Any union between or among consenting adults is okay with me.  But after watching the movie “The Shape of Water,” I have been forced to reexamine my liberal stance as it applies to interspecies romance.

Don’t get me wrong.  I adored the movie.  And by the ending, I’m pleased to say, I was completely accepting of Eliza having sex with a lagoon creature.  Hey, if Tom Hanks could fall for a mermaid in the movie “Splash,” why not?

As a matter of fact, I could see myself becoming smitten with Lagoonman, webbed finger limitations and all.  His gentleness and compassion make him the epitome of the New Age, or in this case, should I say New Wave, male. And watching him sway to the music that Eliza played for his benefit was the stuff of post-menopausal fantasies!

I’m sure I’d learn to enjoy the feel of his cold, clammy, damp skin.  And eventually, even get used to sleeping on rubber sheets.  Or maybe he would prefer making love on a water bed?  (Do they still make water beds?)

Perhaps my imagination was already primed to accept Lagoonman as a love object.  I was part of the generation that grew up with the Frog Prince, although as a child, the sexual innuendos clearly were way over my head.

If you remember the story, a beautiful young princess is playing with her golden ball; a fuzzy tennis ball, of course, not being good enough for a princess.  She accidentally tosses her 14-karat sphere into a murky pond, which causes her great distress.  Even a princess knows that golden balls don’t grow on trees.

But emerging from the muck and mire is a talking frog.  He promises to retrieve her ball if she would: 1) bring him home to the palace; 2) let him join her at the dining room table; 3) take him to her bedroom; and 4) for the grand finale, kiss him on the lips! How’s that for a pushy amphibian?

The princess agrees, tries to reneg, but the frog prevails. Her father, the king, seizing the incident as a teachable moment, tells her that a promise is, after all, a promise.  As a child, it never occurred to me that encouraging his daughter to invite a strange frog to her bedroom might be a bit unusual.

The princess, of course, was rewarded. Upon kissing the frog, he turned back into the handsome prince he was born to be before an evil witch cursed him. The two married, and lived…well, you know the rest.

So what is it about cold blooded invertebrate animals that make them the object of sexual fantasy?  I’m not really sure.   But about those iguanas who like to sun themselves in my back yard in Florida, or occasionally dive into my swimming pool…

I used to regard them as a nuisance.  But now, thanks to writer-director Guillermo del Toro, and my liberated open-mindedness, I might never look at them the same way again!

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