So here we are, on the cusp of a brand new year. There’s a lot to be said about 2017, but I’ve made it a practice to limit the use of four-letter words on my web site. Therefore, I shall let Fox News and CNN continue to battle it out, and direct my comments elsewhere.

I turn my attention instead to lists. Top Ten lists abound at this time of year, hoping to encapsulate all that has occurred in the past 365 days in ranked order. What better time for me to present my personal favorite: the Top Ten dumbest new drug names of 2017.

And Big Pharma did not disappoint. Hundreds of new drugs were launched in the past year, branded once again by people who speak in tongues. And did you think you saw more drug ads on TV in 2017? You were correct. According to The (failing) New York Times, drug companies are spending more on TV advertising (fake news) than ever before.

While Congress still battles over what to repeal and what to replace, let’s be prepared. Take the test below and discover how much you know about the latest pharmaceuticals. Even if you can’t pronounce any of them.

Austedo

a) A city in Texas somewhere between Austin and Laredo
b) A fancy British sports car
c) Description of Stedo as an alternate universe
d) Is this covered by Medicare?

Benznidazole

a) Another fancy sports car, this one made in Germany
b) The secret ingredient in paint remover
c) Nidazole that belongs to Ben
d) If you can say it, you don’t need it

Emflaza

a) Precedes Enflaza on an alphabetical list
b) A book title wisely discarded by Jane Austen
c) Italian dental floss
d) All of the above

Dupixent

a) A little more than one percent
b) A new fastener for false teeth
c) A person who tries to fool a Xent
d) None of the above

Imfinzi

a) What? Another foreign auto?
b) One possible response to “How are you?”
c) Stupid drug quizzes that never seem to end
d) A and C, possibly B

Kymriah

a) What you get when you eat too many Kyms
b) Yiddish\English expression used for summoning
c) A fire-breathing she monster
d) Some of the above

Parsabiv

a) An instruction to grammatically dissect a biv
b) Vibasrap spelled backwards
c) The nickname for scratch golfer Sabiv
d) I think I’m getting a headache

Xatmep

a) A plant that attracts xats
b) A brief but refreshing sleep
c) Batman’s arch enemy
d) I definitely have a headache

Xermelo

a) An entire generation on pot
b) A sugary food product
c) Ermelo’s estranged spouse
d) I can’t take much more

Mepsevii

a) A royal who followed Mepse Vi
b) One who is good at reading meps
c) How Psevii responded to Tarzan
d) Are we there yet?

And no list would be complete without Nerlynx, Mavyret, Kisqali, Idhifa, and Zejula. I’m not making these up. If I may quote #45: “Believe me.”

From my family to yours, I want to wish you all a very happy, and most important, healthy New Year. I thank you profusely for your encouraging comments and continued support. I couldn’t possibly be having this much fun without you!

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