Hey, all you geezers out there!  Do you think you’re still cool? If you do, it’s a sure sign that you’re not.  Because if you were, you’d be Gucci.

Have no idea what I’m talking about?  That might indicate that you aren’t woke.    Don’t worry.  I’m here to help.  The enormous popularity of social media has produced an alternate language of shorthand and conjoined words that change as quickly as you can say “Huh?”  It’s hard to communicate with your grandkids when they sound like they’re speaking Klingon.

So as a public service to my peers, and a diversion from pondering the logic behind the latest cabinet appointment, I present my third annual “English As a Second Language” self-test, a wrap-up of some of this year’s new vocabulary entries.  Have fun, and stay Gucci!

shutterstock_470247551Fleek

  1. A geek from Florida
  2. To run from the eleventh letter of the alphabet
  3. A home remedy for konstipation
  4. All of the above

Moobs

  1. Large throngs of menacing bovines
  2. Loud sounds created by a group of noisy dyslexics
  3. Acronym for Mothers Out Of Booze Sucks
  4. None of the above

Derp

  1. Sister of Wyatt
  2. Combination of a dope and a twerp
  3. Pred spelled backwards
  4. Some of the above

Squee

  1. A device to clean only half a windshield
  2. The final utterance of a dying mouse
  3. In the new math, the number following squoo
  4. Really?

Phablet

  1. A baby phab
  2. A phake pill
  3. A great apartment for rent
  4. 1 and 2, or maybe not

Smol

  1. A small skin blemish
  2. A short person sent to infiltrate a shady organization
  3. Like a smile, but more “O” shaped
  4. This is ridiculous!

Turnt

  1. A mutant amphibian
  2. Past imperfect conjugation of “to turn”
  3. An abbreviated confession that one has burnt the toast
  4. Will this be over soon?

Hundo P

  1. A movie starring John Wayne not for children under 13
  2. A small popular Japanese car
  3. The next big thing following the Hundo O
  4. This is unbelievable

Dipset

  1. A collection of guacamole holders
  2. To be perturbed because you caught someone double-dipping
  3. A recently discovered constellation
  4. 1, definitely 1

Phubbing

  1. Bar-hopping with phriends
  2. Telling lies on You Tube
  3. Rubbing someone with your phoot
  4. I give up!

Interpreting Your Score:

0 – 4    Best not to leave your gated community
5 – 7    You’ve been cleared to talk with people 50 and over
8 – 10  Congratulations!  You have been approved to converse with millennials

(If you care, here are the real answers, starting from the top.  Title:  ICYMI: In case you missed it;  FOMO: fear of missing out.  First and second paragraphs:  Gucci: cool; woke: socially and politically aware.  1) Fleek or on fleek: on point; 2) Moobs: man boobs; 3) Derp: meaningless;  4) Squee: excited; 5) Phablet: phone + tablet, oversized smart phone; 6) Smol: extremely small and cute; 7) Turnt: ready to party; 8) Hundo P:  100%; 9) Dipset: to bail out, to leave because something is boring; 10) Phubbing:  someone talking to you when he or she is texting.

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