I don’t know about you, but the longer I live, the more I become aware of daily irritants.  These niggling events pose a threat to the inner peace to which I feel entitled.  I mean, once you reach a certain age, have you not earned the right to punch the person next to you on the train because, for the entire length of the trip, you are forced to listen to the annoying thumping sounds leaking out of his ear buds?  And you can’t change your seat because the train is crowded?

But that action runs the risk that the person with the pumped up I-Pod might actually punch you back.  Or worse.  And he is younger and stronger than you are.

So instead I have developed another, safer pathway to deal with life’s little annoyances and restore my soul to its rightful equilibrium.  And that would be a healthy, robust “kvetch.”

To this end, and in no special order, I have compiled a list of petty grievances, or things I love to kvetch about:

  • Ads with talking babies
  • The gym
  • Restaurant hostesses with attitude
  • Football
  • How football screws up Sunday night television
  • Waiting for my nails to dry
  • Cartoon bears with toilet paper stuck in their butts
  • My golf game
  • Sticky little labels on fruit
  • The bathroom scale
  • The four otherwise intelligent-looking women in the TV commercial claiming they want to discuss what goes on in the bathroom
  • The TV commercial with the perky and oh-so-sweet Office Depot girl who can save you Depot Time and put you into a diabetic coma
  • TV commercials
  • People who tell you to have a nice day when it’s already night
  • My golf game
  • Needing to use my reading glasses to find the holes for the little buckles on my shoes
  • Having to write everything down so I don’t forget
  • Not making it through the green light because the guy in front of me was looking at his iPhone
  • The recipes in the New York Times Sunday Magazine with type so small it’s like trying to read the bottom line of an eye chart
  • Reporters who ask stupid questions, such as “You just lost everything you worked for your entire life.  How do you feel?”
  • Inspirational bumper stickers (like I could really get my life together by following the advice on the back of someone’s car!)
  • My golf game
  • Television sets in taxi cabs
  • Requests for my e-mail address and phone number, however polite, when I just want to pay for what I bought and get the heck out of the store
  • Lists
  • People who make lists
  • My golf game

And, may I quickly add:  political speeches, other people’s cell phone conversations, thoughtless drivers who occupy two parking spaces, and, did I mention my golf game?

I don’t know about you, but I feel a lot better.  Ohm!

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