(With apologies to WordPress, who really was very helpful)

Dear Unknown Blog Support Person:

I am following the help desk instructions on your web site so here is my question. I started a blog with you and now want to change the name of the blog and corresponding web address.  How do I do this?  Susan

Do-Not-Reply e-mail response:

Dear Susan: Your question is coming to us through cyberspace as we write and will be answered by one of our friendly customer support people as soon as possible.  We maintain control and you must wait your turn.  Any attempt on your part to respond to this e-mail may result in permanent banishment from our web site.

(Three days later)

Hi Susan:  So – you want to change the name of your blog, do you? We hate people who can’t stick to a decision.  Before I bother with you, let me be clear.  You want to change both the blog and the domain URL?  Marvin V., Happiness Engineer

Dear Marvin:  Thank you for your response.  But I need some clarification.  Is “domain URL” the same as the “web address?”  If so, then yes.  Thank you, Susan

(Two days later)

Hi Illiterate One:  I can’t believe you even asked me that.  What planet do you live on? Yes, they are the same.  Can we please proceed now? Marvin V., Happiness Engineer

Sorry Marvin.  OK, I’m ready.  Susan

(Three days later)

Hi Susan:  Pay attention.  Here are the simple steps you need to achieve your goal.

  1.  Go to the Dashboard.  Press Settings.  Scroll down to “I changed my mind.”
  2. At “I changed my mind” hit “Domain Administration.”  Look for a little circle. Put a black dot in the little circle and enter new information.

Is this easy enough for you?  Marvin V., Happiness Engineer

Dear Marvin:  What’s a Dashboard?

(Three days later)

Susan: You are really trying my patience.  The Dashboard is what we call our control panel.  From there you can manipulate your blog in any number of ways.  Marvin V., Happiness Engineer

Dear Marvin:  Then why call it a Dashboard? Why not call it a Control Panel? Wouldn’t that be easier to understand?

(Two days later)

Susan:  Are you trying to put me out of a job?  If we used words that everyone could understand then we wouldn’t be having this correspondence, would we?  Marvin V., Happiness Engineer

Dear Marvin:  Did not mean to threaten you with unemployment.  I was just asking! OK.

I followed steps one and two but did not see a little circle in which to put a black dot.  I’m sure if I could find the little circle, the rest would all fall into place.  Can you help me find the little circle?

(Two days later)

Susan:  The circle is just where I said it is.  Maybe you need stronger glasses.  In the event that you still cannot see the circle, try these steps.

  1.  Go back to Dashboard.  (You remember what Dashboard is, don’t you?)  Scroll down to “I can’t find little circle.”  Hit enter.
  2. You will see a list of choices.  Go to number 3: select another geometric pattern.  Choose the one that suits you.
  3. When you have made this choice, the pattern you selected should replace the circle.
  4. Now go back to original location on Dashboard.   You should be able to put the little dot in whatever shape you chose.
  5. Insert the new information.

Good luck.  Marvin V., Happiness Engineer

Dear Marvin:  You will be pleased to know that I had much better luck with the triangle.  However, I still cannot access my new blog with the new web address, or as you call it, the Domain URL.  (See, I remembered.)  What do you think the problem could be? I’m growing very frustrated.

(Three days later)

Susan:  You’re frustrated? Imagine how I feel.  If you can’t access your new blog, have you considered replacing your computer?  Marvin V., Happiness Engineer

Dear Marvin:  Please, for both our sakes, is there someone I can talk to? I have a feeling this could all be resolved in a five minute phone conversation.  So far, this has taken almost three weeks and my blog is still not functioning.  Marvin, darling, listen.  I’m an “older” person.  I’m not that familiar with all the terms and functions.  Don’t you have a senior citizen hotline? If you don’t, you should.

(Three days later)

Dear Susan:  Marvin has quit.  I’m Dave, your new Happiness Engineer.  I’m here to help you.  Please explain your problem so we can begin.

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